Alone in debt?

Partner not aware of debts

Alone in debt and partner not aware

We receive a lot of calls and emails from the public who feel alone and scared because their partner is not aware of their personal debt problems. This section of the site will explain how to deal with the uncomfortable situation of feeling alone with mounting debts.

Just like any other bad habit, debt — when spinning out of control — can become a shameful secret that one partner in a relationship hides from the other. The UK Insolvency Helpline confidential advice service speaks to hundreds of people in relationships who feel so alone because they have kept their debt problems secret.

Debt is a problem that should not be ignored. With financial issues often being cited as the No. 1 cause of divorce in the UK, debt secrets can often lead to the demise of the relationship and financial ruin.

For many the thought of telling their partner, wife, husband or spouse about their debts would drive them away. For many people in debt this can be a very lonely experience. As the debts get higher, often the anxiety grows.

People I relationships feel that if they told their partner, wife, husband or spouse about the debts they would be afraid the relationship would be over. This feeling is understandable.

Are you feeling alone with you debts? Do you have personal debt problems? Is your partner not aware of your debts?

Feeling alone with personal debt problems is an increasingly common predicament. The amount of debt the average person in the UK has carries has steadily climbed over the past decade and currently sits at £15,000 alone. This is generally made up off credit-card debt, store card debt and personal loan debt.

The average person in has no fewer than five credit cards. The social policy team at The UK Insolvency Helpline feel that with figures like that, it's no surprise that for many, debts are becoming overwhelming, leading some to take great pains to hide their problem from their partners, wifes, husbands and spouses.  People think "if [my partner, wife, husband or spouse] knew this about me, he or she won't want to be with me," says Akim Ali, a counselor at The UK Insolvency Helpline.

Husband or wife not aware of debts – this can lead to divorce

According to www.debt-after-divorce.co.uk hidden debts can ultimately lead to husbands or wives seeking a divorce. In some cases, after a final confrontation, husband or  wifes admit they have debt on several credit and store cards. In some cases unwillingness to give honest answers about the amounts and the extent of the debts is really the last straw and leads to divorce.

The social policy team at The UK Insolvency Helpline advises couples planning to wed to carry out a credit check on each other to show their debt-free bill of health. Discussing debts, of course, a great idea — although it often doesn't happen. In many cases, husband, wife, partner and spouses are kept in the dark about their partners' debts until their marriages end in divorce or when one spouse dies.

Case Study – David and Valerie Hamlin, Bushey, Hertforshire - Alone with personal debt problems

This is the story of David and Valerie Hamlin, both 55 from Hertforshire. Valerie was a nurse at the NHS and got addicted to gambling on the fruit machines. She had run up debts of over £40,000.  She had kept her secret since they met. After seven years together, with help from The UK Insolvency Helpline she finally came clean. When he found out he was utterly devastated. Not wanting to be dragged down into a never-ending spiral of debt, the couple agreed to tackle the debt together. Today, the newly couple have created what they call a "value-based plan" where they've identified shared values, like health and quality time together. They prioritize their spending by keeping those values in mind.

All debts start life under control, but things can change. That’s when you need debt help and the best advice on which debt solution would be right for you. You may also want to know what’s involved in an IVA (Individual Voluntary Arrangement), Debt Consolidation, Debt Management, Bankruptcy or other financial advice. Please call 0800 074 6918 for more advice.